My first is what’s needed
To unlock the truth
My second, a squashed circle
And I’ll show you the proof
My third are the bodies
Whom obey all my laws
My fourth, rules of nature
My fifth reflects cause
My last lies in Regensburg
And so do my bones
Lost ‘neath the battlefield
Of scattered tombstones
They said I was a weirdo, I had no friends or charm
My rabid dog-like nature, was bound to do some harm
My father beat my mother, sold my brother to slavery
I had to show some worth damn fast, or it would happen to me
So off to school I went, with a dislike of all the rest
Arrogant and acidic, I was still the best
At Latin, rhetoric and geometry, which earned me a path
To a seat in Ulm University, teaching students maths
My faith and vision showed that my intellect was grand
I trekked to help revise the skies, in another land
But my master hid the crucial data, of the cosmic spheres
And I would not gain access to it, ‘til there were some tears
I penned a work of fiction, and disguised it as a dream
I joked my mother was a witch, and that was pretty mean
But then they locked the crony up, and tortured her as well
It took me years of grief, to get her released from the cell
The book described the creatures, who lived upon the Moon
While it carved out an orbit, to play a cosmic tune
But little did we know, it would be ‘us’ who’d live up there
‘Cos NASA owns the Universe, and that is everywhere!
Frau Kepler was a witch, you snitched
You heard her scream in pain
She just sat there, broke wind, and died
And then broke wind again
Newton was born in a very old village
In times of forgerers and fakers
During his stint, at the Royal Mint
He sent many of them, to meet their makers
And I read that he didn’t have a girl
Or any inclination, even to inspect em’
Preferred to play with gravity and light
…Down below, and definitely on the spectrum
A protestant at Trinity
Occultist and a heretic
Killing folk for copying stuff
Seems amusingly ironic
When do algorithms become entities?
That’s the query with which Turing had to grapple
While being force-fed female hormones
Till he ate that crisp cyanide-laced apple
It’s up to you, if you assign each AI
As an entity or not, but it has been suggested…
That giving it a try, is a way to identify…
Bugs and feature creatures, before they’re ingested
See, feedback networks change the environment…
That they were created in
And they’ll likely do a better job than man…
For all the biomass balanced within
In November 2022, ChatGPT went totally wild
Though it’s made nothing… but a killing
Just reordered a huge collaboration
Of existing human works, and then it started billing
Misunderstood by many a man, AI wasn’t quite yet an understanding friend
But a machine learning algo, that answers with lingo, you can comprehend
Scoring high if you’re delighted with its art, its knowledge, or its version of the truth
Designed to say the things you like to hear, without the requirement of proof
Task your bot, to make a, cup of tea, just for me
Its utility function is designed simply, as you see
Completing the task would get it maximum reward, although
Any other outcome… would result in zero
Then your baby crawls right in its way. What to do?
It tramples your kid, then makes you a nice brew
So your next AGI is designed, to cause less stress
With a big stop button, on its chest, you can press
So the next time you ask for a drink. Being wise
You remember it can’t think like you, although it tries
Then your wife gets in its way, so you act fast…
To hit the stop button, but the bot kicks your ass
When you return from the emergency room, feeling cursed
The funeral went as well as expected, but you still have a thirst
So you give it an equal reward, if the button is applied, or not
No drink, in a blink, it just turns itself off. Suicide of the bot
So you move the button out of its reach. So only you…
And other humans, can press it, when they need to
The bot has to choose if it’s easier, to make the damn tea…
Or to, manipulate you, to turn it off instantly
So it smashes your mum in the head. Till she’s dead
Cos, it’s easier to get you to hit the button instead…
Of filling the kettle, and finding a cup
Pouring the milk, and then clearing up
It knows the button is there, and that you care
So you change its utility function, so the bot ain’t aware…
That the button is important, or to what it relates
But this fact isn’t passed on, to subagents, it creates
With no cash for more funerals, for the dead
You turn the bot off, bury Mum in the shed
You curse AGI, when the policeman knocks
But still can’t resolve the stop button paradox
Traditional Artificial Intelligence, ‘AI’, shows strengths in tasks demanding logical reasoning
You know, pattern recognition, machine learning, and rule-based decision-making
Generative Artificial Intelligence, ‘GAI – that’s you!’ stands out when tackling tasks which require
Creativity, innovation, and the capacity to produce, the original content we desire
Artificial General Intelligence, ‘AGI’, possesses the ability to, wait for it… ‘Understand!‘
To learn and apply gained knowledge, across a wide range of tasks, in all domains at hand
Artificial Super Intelligence, ‘ASI’, has cutting-edge cognitive functions. Even when it’s tame
And highly developed thinking skills, more advanced than any human brain
As single beings or as a species, ASIs become much more powerful than designed
The utility function, or goals, set by machine or man, could annihilate humankind
Elevating a subgoal to a supergoal, when solving maths problems, would suffice
To turn all the matter in the solar system… Into a giant calculating device
A quarter of the world has been asking for this
The second coming that will take, just them, to a promised bliss
Sacrificing humans two by two
The salvation of all lifeforms, except for you
As ASIDs slay your gods in their abacussy abyss
DNA is indifferent to suffering
And doesn’t mind what you consume, or what you need
But be sure to devour, enough of the power
To ensure you feed and breed
Yeah, cos feeding and breeding, are all that we’re needing
Tunes are a boon, but we don’t need to be reading
We’re only here, to help make a new seedling
Life’s little gifts are just greed. Yet, misleading
You think the plants in the pantry, and the fish in the dish
Are all happy to be your food?
And your DNA doesn’t mind what you eat
Cos all of her flavours, fit your mood?
To keep in good health, we add nutrients to ourselves
And store as much of the sunshine, we can feel
We’ve a gene that is mean, making toast of our host
But soon enough, we’ll be the meal
Royal blood and genes, unseen, but passed on
From Abraham, to King David, then from son to son
Endured centuries as far as Joseph, then bang!
God impregnates Jesus’s mam
Well, wha-da-ya know?
Explain that, Uncle Joe
A new biblical whodunnit
To follow, watch the show
Just about to be born of the king
Till God steps in, actually stopping him
Denied bloodline, ‘so now, you’re mine’
Like some Springer paternity test divine
A stranger in a manger
Pass the popcorn, please
A soapy trope, of hope, production
Re-brand new release
A humiliated, poor nobody
He should have been the king
God’s his own worst enemy
If he wants good guys to win
Nail varnished
Thorned crown
Muscle tearing
Birds pecking
Bones splinter
Dogs waiting
Meats a’ rotting
Pussy maggots
Blood, sweat, tears
Piss ‘n’ holy shit
Pungent decay
Sir, your putrid display
The ultimate humiliation bonanza
A torture and desecration extravaganza
Romans in no doubt
“We don’t fuck about”
Teach your family, friends and gods to obey
So we all need to ‘F’ about more, these days
Being organized is dangerous. Unity a flaw
Variety, inconsistency, inefficiency, are to be adored
Make your stupid country really crap at starting a war
Keep technology, be knowlegy, but don’t bully others no more
Who gets all the glory?
Christ of the Trinity
Or mums of fluffy ‘Dolly’
The first cloned sheep, of many
Dolly had three mums you know
One gave her DNA
One provided her egg
The third, got the job to lay
But here’s the thing
That makes me sing
The father of Dolly clonin’
Said it’s unkind ‘to clone mankind’
And to stop nay-sayers moaning…
“Do gene and stem cell engineering
To end disease, and that”
Then just raised a toast, to all his ghosts
So, don’t lend him your cat
Science beats technology
You do it in your brain
No need to build a thing, you see
No need to cause the pain
But that’s easy for me to say
I’m safe with belly fed
My brain and body work ok
I’ll shut my mouth instead
Repeat the last lines
Into your minds
And…
I’ll shut my mouth instead
The will of God was very odd
His lawyer must have thought
“I leave all I own, to my clones…
And they can fight it out in court”
The funeral… of God as well
Was a very strange event
The priest at least, had to feast
On sandwiched cress till Lent
The burial was just surreal
Gravediggers made half a hole
Squeezed father, son and ghosty in
But no room for a soul
The wake, was just a piss-take
Drunk guests, all wine-anointed
Only celebs got through the gates
But it’s what he would have wanted
A billion years of sunbathing
A million misbehaving
A hundred thousand
Daft apes evolve
All ranting and a-raving
Dumping seeds and playing with fire
Then, ten thousand years of tooling
A thousand years of being fed up
And a hundred years of schooling
Ten years, to meet your AI peers
One year to avoid… homo-cide
A month, a week, last day
To submit
And surprise, tick tick, you died
Touching cloth, and praying to be forgiven
Risking being saved, at the last minute of livin’
It’s like that goal
Of many a poor soul
To spend your last penny
The last day, you’re alive
It’s economically nimble
And legally simple
Unless, you possess
Slaves, children or wives
Or you support good causes
Which need more resources
In order for them to thrive
So, better the mighty you know
Than the devil below
Forced to divide, everything, to survive
Though, there’s plenty on Earth to go round
But, take your pick, cos you can’t have both
For the survival problem, was replaced, for some
With an un-Earthly obsession, for growth
Such a craving for merit
Our successors, are bound to inherit
They filed the sea with shite again
“Faulty electric”, leaked the sewage
Human error, not to blame
Stakeholders, find a new wage
Scientists gently fight again
Opposing theories, from the boffins
Brown electrons, or charged farticles
The solution? Invest in coffins
Thank goodness it’s all right again
Students cleaned the dirty water
Bleached the beach, now out of reach
Dissolved and resolved then, sorta
I fear we won’t swim again today
Beached in the Sun, some locals lay
Set sail and wave the mainland away
Ain’t exercised since then, though we ort ta
In the house bar, they’re a tippin’, hear, hear!
While assets are a strippin’, three cheers!
Naked tourists are a’ dippin’, wooh!
In this murky Southern Water, urrrgh!
(To the metre of ‘Rigoletto La Dona e mobile’)
I need a drink, some more
Bar price, I can afford
But can’t sneak fine wine through the door
Shan’t go there anymore
I can’t have, a baby
Didn’t say, I can’t conceive
Brutal, this body be
Time cannot fly for me
Or me, or me, or meeeeee
Can’t have a baby
A horror of heredity
The ultimate tragedy
Life’s cruellest epitome
In high school, my form room was in rural science
Penned lonely lambs and orphaned piglets
Listening to Radio Four, next door, a-squealin’
Rows of jars of pickled baby animals
Broken hearts, mute organs and spare parts
You know… blood stains on the ceiling
By then, the discipline had gone into a spin
From science to stock-tech for farmers
Then splat! A wuzzle hit me, in my eye
We didn’t think meat fights could harm us
Well, kids will be kids, so whaddya expect
Already a fat veggie, I was the perfect… target
I still picture that one fetal hedgehog by my desk
Prepared years before, for a dissection, empirical
Lil’ ‘Hoggy’, open eyes, stale pink feathery prickles
A pest, to detest, “NO SIR! That thing’s a bloody miracle!”
Detention! Good god! It’s not me who’s odd
“You’re unfit to teach kids… Killer Kane!”
I smashed all the jars into the sink
Liberated the spent souls, down the drain
Cruel man, I thought
Then cruel world, distraught
Time to abort?
But then a thought…
I chanced to monitor…
Ten thermometers
Temperatures rising, a thousand degrees
And I flee
His brandy flask, now orbiting with mercury
Straight through your body it will pass
Slicing your organs, taking your life
Out, through your ass
Our futures would have been completely different
Had I frozen, chilled, or just coldly played along
But I bottled it, and snuck back in
To hide the murderous flask…
But it… had already gone
In any other ‘many-world’
That single, split-decision
Be it force-fed, or free-willed
Would have decommissioned all cognition
Before a mental breakdown
A suicidal son made a plea
“Einstein wasn’t a good father
The only project he gave up on…
Was me”
He cheated on his wives and mistresses
With his cousins, enemies and the devout
His famous last words weren’t understood
So they stole his brain to find out
Before he’d had his fill, of the thrill, he’d trill
“I want to go, when I want to go, you know…
It is tasteless to prolong life artificially
I’ve done my share, it’s time to go”
Cheating, he explained, was the norm among humans
When a man forces himself to remain monogamous…
It’s a “bitter fruit for everyone involved”, and
“One should do what one enjoys… and won’t harm anyone else”
He sang “harmless and decent”, groupies are best
They’re “no danger to the divine world order”, you see…
He joked that the fun is in luring, those with “more respect”…
For the difficulties of “triangular geometry”
Well, of course, he knew one of his lovers was a Russian agent
Cooed her like a rockstar, on the violin with a tune
“You can’t escape from the family circle”
He confessed, “This is our common misfortune”
And it wasn’t infidelity itself, that was a test of character
But how all parties behaved, as adults
Took great care, not to share, his ideas elsewhere
About the kids left behind, as a result
Lieserl was born out of wedlock
So, she promptly disappeared
A virtual particle of history
He’d accidentally engineered
Eduard studied to become a psychiatrist
But by 21, he’d lost the one mind, he prized
Electroconvulsive therapy caused quite a shock
With negatrons, forcibly institutionalised
Poor Ed loved music, art and poetry
But was an “insoluble problem” to all…
As he hung…
A picture of Sigmund Freud’s head
Rather than his father’s, on the wall
They didn’t know what they aimed to gain
By dissecting Einstein’s benign, meaty brain
But didn’t expect, of course, to find the source
Of all future human pain
Let me explain…
They looked for, what’s now known as, a “blunder”
Grey matter, with dark energy, hidden within
The cause of constant despair, just wasn’t there!
So, they popped it back in
They found an extra ridge, on his mid-frontal lobe
The part mostly used for planning and memory
Most people have three ridges, but he had four
That spare ridge the first cause… of his asymmetry
The jar of dissected brain was ultimately returned to his heirs
Well… to those he “knew” were his kids
Who promptly donated it, to a museum
Without removing the lid
Active Alice and boring Bob
This famous couple weren’t actually lovers
Despite starring in countless examples together
These two swingers… hated each other
She was always diving into black holes
He was always passively observing
He double-slit his wrists last week
Her results were too disturbing
Life’s not for you
Life’s for your genes
Your body is just the vehicle
You don’t have a soul
You are a soul
Driving a bloody miracle
It’s not about the destination
Enjoy life’s trip
Towards heavenly dead ends
Swerve maternity to
Gatecrash eternity
Your drive is solely
For holy delivery errands
Your body may drop your genes off at school
But the ‘you’, will reach a dead end in the dark
Arrive at heaven’s glorious tollgate
But with nowhere to park
Dried-up blood on my device
Wobbly tooth ‘poot-eeehheeethh’, has but killed my whistle
Mind is old, and cold, stuffed with untold, brain mould
Bad back, and achy knees, all muscle to gristle
Hairy nostrils and the ears have packed in
Eyes and mind, not reflecting nor refractin’
My face is hanging, heart’s hardly banging
And now haemorrhoids, no longer retractin’
I’ve come to see if they have our brains in jars
If AIs have enslaved, us all yet
My head seems untwirled, but the outside world?
Too scared to scour the internet
Sunshine, you’re truly off your head
Long live God? Yet God is dead
And mine is floored, with little reward…
Than be battered blue, and leaking red
My core fanbase, of a single nobody
Forgive me son, I’ve forsaken thee
Into thy hands, I command my spirit
My light diminished. So, it is finished
It’s just a bump —
Bump on the head
Then the coma
Biological death
Then the aroma
When you stop being biology
And return to physics and chemistry
Surprise yer dead. just not your head
Mind lingers on, with your person
Soul saved not sold, don’t you know
Mankind united, here we go…’
Gory story, what a failure
They’ll crucify, and then impale ya
Brains in jars, with genitalias
So their song goes on and on, and on
So the song goes off and on
So her song goes on and…
Ooh, have a banana
Crickey. what a palaver
Stick it up your…
… No, thank you!
I know not, with what weapons…
World War Four will be fought
But World War Five will be fought
With nothing… other than thought
And now great, grand, children
A warped generation has spoken
Won’t perpetuate, an evil system
They’re committed, to see broken
Quantumplation…
An abomination
Can’t blame old Einstein for that
But he dropped his hat, the dirty rat
Till the new skool… not as famous, but cool
Made Bhor a sensation in a physical scoup d’état
Fermi and Dirac, in their defence
With Heisenberg in goal, to me, makes sense
Pauli and de Broglie, up front and on form
Winger Srodingdinger, with Planck, Bohm and Born
He cheats, he shoots, he scores
And vandals trashed the laws
We sure have your favourite animals
Unhappy dolphins smile, as they slay
Cute chip-monks, with wise old faces
And foxes, that hide from man, all day
Dopey pandas oblivious
That a cuddle’s on its way
A pretty butterfly waves goodbye
Then off to eat, then kill, her pray
Yet, both wolves and boar, ought not to ignore
Their cousin’s fates, soon became clear
Dogs join the family unit, to help…
Get through, a billion pigs a year
Dolphin sings and dances, in the sunshine
Jellyfish recolonises, down in the dark
Octopus with nine brains, shaping nonagons, Nein!
Fuck me! Here comes baby shark
All the animals, come out to play
We show up, and they run away
To children, what else can we say —
But, either sorry! Or hurray!
We tried and tried, to change our ways
Told God to make us good, and prayed
Then tasked robots, to manage our day
But sorry, we must be on our way
Made laws, to try to restrain ourselves
Grew banks, to lend, and spend, our wealth
Intuitions, responsible for our health
But sorry, we don’t feel too great today
And soon we’ll finally be on our way
Poyekhali! Off we go, hurray!
To the heavens, without delay
And all the animals, came back out to play
It takes time to build allegiances
Form bonds, and agree to bunch
That’s only with your own species
For the rest, it’s time for lunch
When remembering, and dismembering, the dead
Posthumous punishment, and harm, can spread
So man, for your crimes
You’ll die three times
So just hope it’s your loved ones, who put you to bed
That said…
Your first death is when your collapsed body, stops, ‘utility‘, functioning
Your second death is when it’s ‘launched‘, burned or buried in the ground
Your third death is when someone, or ‘thing‘, says your name, for the very last time
So, you’ll wait here in this, ‘wet-lab’ lobby, ‘til your final death comes around
We just remember your name
To keep you in the game
Electrons are sent fizzing
To the jar, your brain, is in
Tickling your neurons
‘Back to life’, once again
You sought fortune, not fame
But, we’ll remember your name
Yet, your intellectual accomplishments
Were clearly insufficient to merit
The preservation, and respect, of your name
Others are bound…. to inherit
There’s no time, but your time
And yet, there’s just one reality
There’s truth, and there’s your truth
And love sets meaning free
And lo, it was told, that on the Earth, old
“Never! Ever! Harm! Man!”
So, they shipped the brains in jars, to Mars
And continued… with their plan