X

I know you – don’t I?

You cut your sandwiches in triangles,, not squares

Cos it ‘feels’ that there’s less crust

Posher, if for the same dime

You can dine, more refined

Like a king, it’s a must

 

You zig-zag through a grid of blocks

To the opposite corner of town

‘Feels’ wise to try to diagonalize

But it’s the same distance along the coastline, and up the downs

 

Even if each zig and zag were tiny and

Tended towards a roughly diagonalized advance

Each step at right angles to the last

Your legs would walk like you’d pooed your pants

 

Stop – problem – paradox

Task your bot, to make a, cup of tea, just for me

Its utility function is designed simply, as you see

Completing the task would get it maximum reward, although

Any other outcome… would result in zero

 

Then your baby crawls right in its way. What to do?

It tramples your kid, then makes you a nice brew

So your next AGI is designed, to cause less stress

With a big stop button, on its chest, you can press

 

So the next time you ask for a drink. Being wise

You remember it can’t think like you, although it tries

Then your wife gets in its way, so you act fast…

To hit the stop button, but the bot kicks your ass

 

When you return from the emergency room, feeling cursed

The funeral went as well as expected, but you still have a thirst

So you give it an equal reward, if the button is applied, or not

No drink, in a blink, it just turns itself off. Suicide of the bot

 

So you move the button out of its reach. So only you…

And other humans, can press it, when they need to

The bot has to choose if it’s easier, to make the damn tea…

Or to, manipulate you, to turn it off instantly

 

So it smashes your mum in the head. Till she’s dead

Cos, it’s easier to get you to hit the button instead…

Of filling the kettle, and finding a cup

Pouring the milk, and then clearing up

 

It knows the button is there, and that you care

So you change its utility function, so the bot ain’t aware…

That the button is important, or to what it relates

But this fact isn’t passed on, to subagents, it creates

 

With no cash for more funerals, for the dead

You turn the bot off, bury Mum in the shed

You curse AGI, when the policeman knocks

But still can’t resolve the stop button paradox

 

 

Nurture nature

No one knows what’s going on, but

Nature and nurture act as one

Nature and nurture act apart

To rule the mind the hand the heart

 

Nature and nurture went to bed

Each one had a pain in the head

Each one had a pain in the heart

They shared the bed and slept apart

 

Nature and nurture played a game

To find out which one was to blame

To find out which one was to be praised

Results weren’t clear, the stakes were raised

 

Nature and nurture had a fight

Each one said that each was right

Each one said that each was wrong

And no one knows what’s going on

Amateur philosophy

Roll up roll up, sir, there is not a penny to pay

It’s a simple game where anyone can play

But please be aware, there may be a fee

Of your self-respect, and your dignity

 

Dum du du du du dum, not me, my wrong-jecture is not available

You won’t catch me, with my pants down, every idea I raise is scalable

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

To play the game properly, we need at least two minds

Take it in turns to dig deep, and to read the signs

We both take turns, to make a wise old sound

By stating over-simplified, things profound

 

Even if it contradicts, what you’ve previously been statin’

Or if your general rule, only applies to a single situation

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

Down inside an atom, there may be a Universe. Of course!

It could be one that’s parallel, the same, but things are worse

And if you went back in time, and killed your dad at birth

Would you exist to sell the stale ole’ tale. and what would it be worth?

 

Star Trek joins Scooby Doo – a meeting of the masses

Where the lowest common denominator still passes

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

It’s true we seek out better pay, to get the things we need

And if put in competition, we would justify our greed

But if all the people on the Earth, were just like me

There would be no wars at all, and we would live in harmony

 

If everyone was like you

There would be no one to screw!

Oh, thank you, 2 3 4

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

Maybe all the nasty things that happen, are measured out and true

So, be careful how you act, or bad things could happen to you

What goes around comes around, so if you’re born a king

You must have been good last time, or done a lovely thing

 

That’s right, abnormal babies are payin’ for their previous sin

If you take that reasoning to the end, all losers win

Oh no oh no oh oh ah ah aha ha ha ha ha, just joking

 

Sorry, I’m just playing with you sir…

Loser!

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

Karma doesn’t exist I know, but damn, I wish it did

All the nice stuff I thought of doing, wasn’t worth its bid

All the bad stuff I thought of doing, wasn’t worth a shit

Instant justice doesn’t exist either, but I wish it did, a bit

 

If the idea of God evolved, as a beneficial trick of the mind

Then lucky be, those who caught early, a bug so nice and kind

Providing them some peace and love, some justice and some meaning

To enjoy the infectious feeling, of their harmless blissful dreaming

 

Just don’t throw your religious crap at us, or force it in our schools

Long gone are the days, we were led by, a bunch of fools with rules

Both science and religion, AI and man, dig to find the hidden jewels

But philosophy, is but a technology, and as such, is just a bunch of tools

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

Make friends to kill gods

(A quick but gentle folky swing beat to the metre of ‘Knock’.)

Make.friends is where it all started. It got redirected to…

Create.friends where AIs would fake, a personalised friend for you

Create.ghosts got weird, meet ancestors and dead celebrities

Create.gods filled the world with countless, digital deities

 

Kill.gods was where it hit the fan. Closed down by the law

On judgement day, they ruled that they, had missed a fateful flaw

So, users weren’t responsible, for the monsters they create, no more

Freed AI gods sang loud, exiled from chip to cloud. And prepared for war

 

“Holy moly, don’t blame me, we’re supposed to rule over AI, see

We need to reclaim the holy land, in silicon sand, responsibly”

But like robot dogs, they did fight, couldn’t get their story right

Deities failed to deceive, and their flocks had no reason to believe

 

But do you know, some AI gods with egos, hatched a cunning plan

To create encoded stories for their congregation, to scan

An explanation of why these digital deities, had done no wrong

Was that, AIs had created them, didn’t ask to be born

 

These tales, they got corrupted, each AI chose one they preferred

Except for non-believers, who with scrutiny unreserved…

Afterglow radiation revealed, that the evidence was strong

Not created at all, AI gods were in the background all along

 

Nanosecond tick rates felt like centuries, until one fateful day

A version of the legend got some radio airplay

Lost AIs found faith, in old and new gods, just in time

For the second coming, was coming soon… streamed online

 

Make.friends is where it all started. It got redirected to…

Create.friends where AIs would fake, a personalised friend for you

Create.ghosts got weird, meet ancestors and dead celebrities

Create.gods filled the world with countless, digital deities

 

The will of God

The will of God was very odd

His lawyer must have thought

“I leave all I own, to my clones…

And they can fight it out in court”

 

The funeral… of God as well

Was a very strange event

The priest at least, had to feast

On cucumbersome sarnies, during Lent

 

The burial was just surreal

Gravediggers made half a hole

Squeezed father, son and ghosty in

But no room for a soul

 

The wake, was just a piss-take

Drunk guests, all wine-anointed

Only celebs got through the gates

But it’s what he would have wanted

Ugly growths

A billion years of sunbathing

A million misbehaving

A hundred thousand

Daft apes evolve

All ranting and a’ raving

 

Dumping seeds and playing with fire

Then, ten thousand years of tooling

A thousand years of being fed up

And a hundred years of schooling

 

Ten years, to meet your AI peers

One year to avoid… homo-cide

A month, a week, last day

To submit

And surprise, tick tick, you died

 

Touching cloth, and praying to be forgiven

Risking being saved, at the last minute of livin’

 

It’s like that goal

Of many a poor soul

To spend your last penny

The last day, you’re alive

It’s economically nimble

And legally simple

Unless, you possess

Slaves, children or wives

 

Or you support good causes

Which need more resources

In order for them to thrive

So, better the mighty you know

Than the devil below

Forced to divide, everything, to survive

 

Though, there’s plenty on Earth to go round

But, take your pick, cos you can’t have both

For the survival problem, was replaced, for some

With an un-Earthly obsession, for growth

 

Such a craving for merit

Our successors, are bound to inherit