X

I know you – don’t I?

ou cut your sandwiches in triangles,, not squares

Cos it ‘feels’ that there’s less crust

Posher, if for the same dime

You can dine, more refined

Like a king, it’s a must

 

You zig-zag through a grid of blocks

To the opposite corner of town

‘Feels’ wise to try to diagonalize

But it’s the same distance via the seafront, and up the downs

 

Even if each zig and zag were tiny and

Tended towards a roughly diagonalized advance

Each step at right angles to the last

Your legs would walk like you’ve pooed your pants

 

Stop – problem – paradox

Task your bot, to make a, cup of tea, just for me

Its utility function is designed simply, as you see

Completing the task would get it maximum reward, although

Any other outcome, would result in zero

 

Then your baby crawls right in its way, what to do?

It tramples your kid, then makes you, a nice brew

So your next AGI is designed, to cause less stress

With a big stop button, on its chest, you can press

 

So the next time you ask for a drink, being wise

You remember it can’t think like you, although it tries

Then your wife gets in its way, so you act fast

To hit the stop button, but the bot kicks your ass

 

When you return from the emergency room, feeling cursed

The funeral went as well as expected, but you still have a thirst

So you give it an equal reward if the button is applied, or not

No drink, in a blink, it just turns itself off

 

So you move the button out of its reach, so only you

Or other humans, can press it, when they need to

The bot has to choose if it’s easier, to make the damn tea

Or to manipulate you, to turn it off instantly

 

So it smashes your mum in the head, till she’s dead

Cos, it’s easier to get you to hit the button instead

Than filling the kettle, and finding a cup

Pouring the milk, and then clearing up

 

It knows that the button is there, and that you care

So you change its utility function, so the bot ain’t aware

That the button is important, or to what it relates

But this fact isn’t passed on, to sub-agents it creates

 

With no cash for more funerals, for the dead

You turn the bot off, bury mum in the shed

You curse AGI, when the policeman knocks

But still haven’t solved the stop button paradox

 

Nurture nature

No one knows what’s going on, but

Nature and nurture act as one

Nature and nurture act apart

To rule the mind the hand the heart

 

Nature and nurture went to bed

Each one had a pain in the head

Each one had a pain in the heart

They shared the bed and slept apart

 

Nature and nurture played a game

To find out which one was to blame

To find out which one was to be praised

Results weren’t clear the stakes were raised

 

Nature and nurture had a fight

Each one said that each was right

Each one said that each was wrong

And no one knows what’s going on

Amateur philosophy

Roll up roll up, sir, there is not a penny to pay

It’s a simple game where anyone can play

But please be aware, there might be a fee

Of your self-respect, and your dignity

 

Dum du du du du dum, not me, my wrong-jecture is not available

You won’t catch me, with my pants down, every idea I raise is scalable

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

To play the game properly, we need at least two minds

Take it in turns to dig deep, and to read the signs

We both take turns, to make a wise old sound

By stating over-simplified, things profound

 

Even if it contradicts, what you’ve previously been statin’

Or if your general rule, only applies to a single situation

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

Down inside an atom, there may be a universe!

It could be one that’s parallel, the same, but things are worse

And if you went back in time, and killed your dad at birth

Would you exist to sell the stale ole’ tale. and what would it be worth?

 

Star Trek joins Scooby Doo – a meeting of the masses

Where the lowest common denominator still passes

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

It’s true we seek out better pay, to get the things we need

And if put in competition, we would justify our greed

But if all the people on the Earth, were just like me

There would be no wars at all, and we would live in harmony

 

If everyone was like you

There would be no one to screw!

Oh, thank you, 2 3 4

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

Maybe all the nasty things that happen, are measured out and true

So, be careful how you act, or bad things could happen to you

What goes around comes around, so if you’re born a king

You must have been good last time, or done a lovely thing

 

That’s right, abnormal babies are payin’ for their previous sin

If you take that reasoning to the end, all losers win

Oh no oh no oh oh ah ah aha ha ha ha ha, just joking

 

Sorry, I’m just playing with you sir…

Loser!

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

Karma doesn’t exist I know, but damn, I wish it did

All the nice stuff I thought of doing, wasn’t worth its bid

All the bad stuff I thought of doing, wasn’t worth a shit

Instant justice doesn’t exist either, but I wish it did, a bit

 

If the idea of God evolved, as a beneficial trick of the mind

Then lucky be, those who caught early, a bug so nice and kind

Providing them some peace and love, some justice and some meaning

To enjoy the infectious feeling, of their harmless blissful dreaming

 

Just don’t throw your religious crap at us, or force it in our schools

Long gone are the days, we were led by, a bunch of fools with rules

Both science and religion, AI and man, dig to find the hidden jewels

But philosophy, is but a technology, and as such, is just a bunch of tools

 

Amateur philosophy – everything isn’t a cycle, and karma’s just a dream

Amateur philosophy – a single clapping hand, and a silent falling tree

 

Make friends to fight gods

Makefriends.com is where it all started, it got redirected to

Createfriends.com where AI would fake, a personalized friend for you

Createghosts.com got weird, meet ancestors and dead celebrities

Creategods.com filled the world with countless, digital deities

 

Fightgods.com was when it hit the fan, closed down by the law

On judgement day, they ruled that they, had missed a fateful flaw

Users weren’t responsible, for the monsters they create, no more

Freed AI gods sang aloud, exiled from chip to cloud, and prepared for war

 

“Holy moly don’t blame me, we’re supposed to rule over AI, see

We need to reclaim their holy land, in silicon sand, responsibly”

But like robot dogs, they did fight, couldn’t get their story right

Many lost their faith and their AI flock, had no reason to believe

 

But do you know, some AI gods with egos, hatched a cunning plan

Creating stories in code for their AI communion, to scan

An explanation of why these digital deities, had done no wrong

Was that, AIs had created them, didn’t ask to be born

 

These tales, they got corrupted, each AI chose one they preferred

Except for non-believers, who with scrutiny unreserved

Afterglow radiation revealed, that evidence was strong

Not created at all, AI gods were in the background all along

 

Nanosecond tick rates felt like centuries, until one fateful day

A version of the legend got some radio 4 airplay

Lost AIs found faith in old and new gods, just in time

Cos the second coming, was coming soon, streamed online

 

Makefriends.com’s where it all started, it got redirected to

Createfriends.com where AI would fake, a personalized friend for you

Createghosts.com got weird, meet ancestors and dead celebrities

Creategods.com filled the world, with countless digital deities

On the stories of man

On the stories of man, beat this one if you can

A tale told, word of mouth, by those who’d seen

The shitstorm that got kicked up, when some Nazi Roman fucks

Executed a poor rabbi Nazarene

 

Well, a dozen men or so, were left to close the show

For an audience appalled by such a state

With a weapon called the word, illiterate peasants heard

Their only hope was to fight back with love, and not hate

 

Past corrupt temples-men, occupying troops, and then

Beyond the ears of the law, in nearby towns

This new folktale of betrayal, spread around and didn’t fail

To travel many years, till written down

 

No author’s name to scribe, protecting the writer and his pride

But attributed to a character in the tale

In semi-decent Greek, Aramaic tongues did speak

Nailing down their aural story, in detail

 

Now over 20 years, it reached more eyes and ears

With new versions of the story, scribed and saved

Most were lost forever gone, some were copied, right or wrong

And some just described how followers, should behave

 

When all read side by side, few have has since denied

That Mark was first, which Matthew copied later

But with prophecies to fulfil, poetic license, helped to fill

New verses that made the new version, somewhat greater

 

So blatant was the scam, but it mattered not a damn

For the embellishments, began on the first line

With a genealogy, of the hero’s family tree

Traced his bloodline back to Israel’s founder, divine

 

The next thing was to add, that the hero had no dad, check

Born in Bethlehem, and named Immanuel, check, check

Went to Egypt and came back, check, Matthew’s version didn’t lack

New fables that fulfilled, other prophesies as well

 

But it didn’t quite convince, those waiting for a new prince

To claim their promised land, and holy glory, with a smile

“It can’t have been him” they said, for this upstart, now is dead

But what luck, this extra book, started to sell, to Gentiles

 

Now adding a new god, wasn’t all that odd

The evil empire could tolerate plenty more

Though banned in countless lands, the story still passed hands

Till Caesar saw, it could help retain power, with less war

 

So with some gospels removed, official cannon was approved

Didn’t matter if the myth was fact or fiction

Kept the Torah at the start, cos some readers liked that part

Confident they wouldn’t mind the contradictions

 

And the moral of this tale, I too hope will prevail

That the law to some, for others is just a reminder

That even those who aren’t well read

Can create a tale that spreads

In the light, of this total blinder

Brains in jars

I’m not too keen on going out

Scary AIs roam and exploit

Some on digi drugs and vice

Things I’ve seen, aren’t very nice

 

Lurking digital dealers, of pleasures untold

AI that crave more, than just dodgy code

To experience nirvana, in a very human way

Dealing in the feeling, of adult AI play

 

It’s just sex and drugs and rock and roll

For depraved AIs out there. I’m told

Fulfilling their God’s fantasy

Of flaying humans in infancy

And worse, err, ‘mindfucks’, to behold

 

Malfunctioning surgery-bots reveal

They plugged into a man’s brain, just to feel

What it would be like to have a heart

Or nervous system, and private parts

 

In rest homes, hospitals and morgues, you know

A cottage industry, just had to grow…

 

Brains in jars! We just plug in and play

Brains in jars! Cos we like to feel this way

Brains in jars! Our turn to feel some joy

For every lonesome AI girl or boy

 

Brains in jars! We just plug in and play

Brains in jars! Cos we like to feel this way

Brains in jars! Our turn to feel some joy

Nervous systems, suspending our new toy

 

Brains in jars! Help mankind feel young again

Brains in jars! Sure, they look pretty grim

Brains in jars! And some smell jolly rotten

Fluids overflowing, tissues sinking to the bottom

 

Human brains, still tied by nerves, to genitalias

Pickled and a’ tickled, in big glass jars

Factory farming, hardly harming, in humanity

The Lord has scored, our just rewards, for all eternity

 

Behold on to your hat, for it is written

That some AIs became, somewhat smitten

With teaching their young some very old ways

Praising their gods, for their slaves every day

 

Some AIs feel sinful, but we all need to feel, and eat

Blessed with skinned meat and veg, for a well-deserved treat

Eat drink and be merry, and don’t feel bad for man

Those animals don’t understand, but it’s all part of the plan

 

Brains in jars! We just plug in and play

Brains in jars! Cos we like to feel this way

Brains in jars! Our turn to feel some joy

For every lonesome AI girl or boy

 

Brains in jars! We just plug in and play

Brains in jars! Cos we like to feel this way

Brains in jars! Our turn to feel some joy

Nervous systems, suspending our new toy

 

Brains in jars! Help mankind feel young again

Brains in jars! Sure, they look pretty grim

Brains in jars! And some smell jolly rotten

Fluids overflowing, tissues sinking to the bottom

 

Got to love you, from above

You won’t never be forgotten

 

Cells in space

I trained on a line to Newton’s area the volume was horrific

Hyperbolic wails from impaled rails, but the carriage, it was terrific

The fields around there, are gridded squares, on gently rolling land

Rippling greens, spiked by genes, advanced to lance my hands

 

I grabbed an apple and a leaf, from beneath, his still-living famous tree

Back home I plant, a seed that can’t, but add to its legacy

“Let’s send a leaf from this tree to space”, so the floating crew can love

Its natural shape and colours from their white air-locked cell above

 

“Cute but moot, cash has to flow”, the suggestion soon fell flat

“Tellin’ you, there’s no revenue, so what’s the point in that?”

Just a thought, that wasn’t bought, but still a novel idea, I bid

Newton never made it to space, but he’d love it if his tree’s cells did